Tuesday, September 15, 2015

I'm sick of being me.

I'm finally on a vacation after many months of nothing but work and school. I still have school going on, and should be studying right now, but I have no idea how to proceed. I finally realized that all of my humanity is gone.

I don't know how to act around others except to get away from them to get something else done.

I don't talk to anyone because I have had to do so much that I'm afraid to get anything started for fear of forgetting to do something else.

I don't even have hobbies anymore. No creative outlet.

I just play a few games because I can, not for any kind of joy. I've lost the joy of games.

I am too afraid to start another hobby because I don't have time to learn.

My wife is the same way. We love each other, really. When you have to work so much that only one person is left to run the house when the other is working, that's a problem. When I don't want to talk to friends because I don't have anything to bring to the table other than work, that's a problem. When I don't want to interact with people online, even a select group, because I get sick of hearing about the same thing over and over again, that's a problem. I'm so full of problems, I'm sick. Sick of inane people, sick of people that spout rhetoric, sick of people that feel and act entitled, sick of people that are not willing to put in effort. That last one is for me, because I am sick of being me right now.