Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Dealing with death, and why I'm not any good at it - RANT that rambles

My grandmother passed almost 2 weeks ago. I don't know why, but it took almost 2 weeks for the funeral to happen. I guess it took that long for it to sink in on my end also.

All I saw in my life was the end of my school quarter, and my work schedule that was very long because of my bosses both being on vacation at the same time. I pushed it aside to try to keep going so I could make it through.

I broke down today.

I saw all the Facebook posts on the funeral and lost it. Left work, went home, ate, and cried myself to sleep lost it.

I feel like a bad person for feeling caring for another family member. I guess my mother's plan of detaching my feelings for family members because they can hurt you the most worked, until today.

She says she didn't do it, but I know that it is what she had to do to endure her mother (not the one that died, my dad's mom passed). People have to learn to deal somehow, and I never did, because I thought it would be better to learn about the stuff I am into, like computers and electronics.

I need some help in figuring out how to deal. Only 3 people so far have given me advice, a former co-worker, Loren Feldman from 1938media (our convo here), and my wife, Tammy. Condolences are nice, but I need more help to get it all out or move on, I'm just not sure which way to go.