Monday, May 1, 2017
Tuesday, November 1, 2016
Woke up this morning and I'm having another bout with my brain. I thought about ending it all today when I woke up. I'm trying to use the techniques that I learned when I was in the hospital last month, but it isn't helping. I just want to go home and sleep. At first, I thought it was the fact that I was tired, but it is more than that.
Everything that is causing stress keeps coming from all sides. My kids are all being really self-centered, my oldest is probably going back into the court system, my job can't take me being depressed, I haven't gotten any responses from the jobs I have been applying for for the last 2 months, etc.
I know that Tammy is too tired to try to be there for me, and we don't hardly ever see each other anymore. I got, maybe, like five minutes to talk to Tammy last night. It is getting so bad, I feel alone. When I talk to people online, they tell me to call and message them, but the depression tells me that they really don't care. That's the big thing.
I'm writing this post in order to let people know if I don't respond, I am okay. Tammy will let you know if anything happens.
Thursday, October 27, 2016
I'm not sure how I should feel today. I'm tired, and I don't want to do anything that I should be doing. People are just getting under my skin too much lately.
The election isn't even it (although it's just as messed up as ever). I cannot take the fact that people don't understand or are just flat out unwilling to sacrifice a bit of themselves to help everyone.
This problem starts in my own house. My oldest son won't do anything if it doesn't directly benefit him. This includes things like going to school on time, getting a share of the cleaning done, and engaging with the family. My daughter is now taking up his attitude when something happens that she doesn't understand or like or makes her feel afraid.
The place I work at is the same way. I understand the job, what they want to do, and how they want to do it. That's why I get paid. Okay. But when I have a customer that comes in and gets mad that they have to call their parents (or kids in the case of some of my senior customers) because they have not put an authorization on their account, it is my fault. Normally, I can let this slide because I get the frustrated feeling, but not this time.
A few days ago, I got verbally assaulted by a customer because I wouldn't let her get an equipment change because she's not authorized. I explain that once the account owner gets this person authorized, then I will take care of everything. I get called names that allude to the fact that I must be hating her because I'm a white male in my 40s. I only stated after taking her crap for five minutes that she used an argument that my 4 year old daughter used last weekend, and calling me names doesn't change the fact that the policy is there, and if I violate it, I put my family's well being at risk.
The response: You and your family can go to hell. This is my phone and I need it working again.
It's time for mutual respect to be brought back. Don't coddle your kids, because for everyone that teaches we should be respectful of each other (which is correct), they don't explain that respect means sacrificing your ego to get things done.
Once again today, I go back into this environment with that mentality coming from the front lines. It's time for me to get out, but I can't until I can support my family.